Escape

Sometimes I wonder how long I’ll be able to survive by seeking comfort in escapism. Maybe escapism isnt about running away from life, maybe its about taking a break so we can face it again. Then magically god comes in the form of another soul, to take away every pain and sorrow, only to give love joy and beauty of life. not in reality though.

humans are obsessed with escapism, with music, books, art, daydreams etc, it feels like our souls were not meant for this world. Humans are very wierd. the obsession over things. Everything which a person does is usually to escape something else. the reason a person lives, is to escape death. the reason someone wants to die, its to escape life. We are pretty immature at times (usually always) to forget that we were not meant to be what we are. We intentionally get ourselves stuck in scenarios and situations which make us feel not good and then we ourselves find a way to escape it.

even sleep is an escape. we call it rest but really its just the body shutting the door on the day for a few hours, and dreams are the mind still trying to escape even the escape, going somewhere else entirely, somewhere it doesnt have to answer for anything. and we wake up and call it morning like nothing happened, like we werent just gone for eight hours pretending to not exist.

and love, love is maybe the biggest escape of all. we dont fall in love with people, we fall in love with the excuse they give us to stop thinking about ourselves for a while. someone to look at instead of the inside of our own head. thats why it hurts so much when it ends, not because the person is gone, but because we have to go back to living with just us again, and we were never really good company for ourselves to begin with.

work is escape too. we call it purpose, we call it responsibility, but really its just entropy again, keeping us busy so we dont sit still long enough to ask why we are doing any of it. stillness is the one thing humans cannot survive. give a person silence and no phone and no noise for even ten minutes and watch how fast they reach for something, anything, to not be alone with their own thoughts. thats not weakness i think. thats just proof we were never built to sit still and stare at the nature of things directly. we need the noise, the same way eyes need to look away from the sun.

The obsession to escape, it seems, like, humans were not made for this world. The Universe wanted to increase entropy, and that is and will be the ultimate goal for it. In that process it created life, it did not even think once (I talk as if the universe can think too) that the life it has created, and the processes around it, will one day begin to question the reason behind it all. And the universe doesnt have any answers. try asking the stars at night, or the gods you pray to, the reason of being. the reason why it all exists. Life wasnt suppose to question, but to follow and not think. Reproduce, live, and increase the entropy. I do not know what the universe achieves by doing that. it is very obvious that us existing or not should not make any difference. But still, we humans especially invented the question and the answer to it, ourselves. And we biased it all to fit our needs. We killed the gods and then we made their statues and books to worship them. the gods do not live among us anymore. the gods deem us not worthy of them.

maybe thats why we invented art. instead of making something beautiful, we intended to leave a mark that says i was here and i was confused too. every painting or any fucking peice of art for that matter is just another human standing at the edge of the same silence (most probably trying to end it all), throwing something into it so it doesnt feel so empty. we call it culture and expression of our thoughts, but its just another form of the same escape. proof that we couldnt sit with the nothing so we filled it with something, anything, even if it made no sense, even if no one asked the universe to make sense in the first place. for that matter, what we do can be called something as simple as “slow suicide”.

childhood nostalgia is escape too, if you think about it. we dont miss the past, we miss the version of us that didnt know yet. that hadnt started asking. we keep going back there in our heads because it was the last time entropy hadnt caught up to us, the last time we were just living without knowing we were supposed to be running from something.

If anything good is to be credited to god, then credit the bad stuff too. I personally do not think God is good. if you think something good happened to you, think of it as a bait. a bait to keep you healthy until he feeds on the sorrow when you die. and he does not care what you think. you are just a spec of dust in his aquarium, fullfilling the mean purpose he has for you. Escape it if you can. Challenge him.

Disclaimer: I only speak for myself. If at the other end of the screen, if someone is really reading it, though I do not think anyone will be interested in finding about me, dont take any of that what i write very seriously, I am usually like this. especially today when I am not in the right state of mind. I would end it all. Burn it all to the ground. Just to enjoy few moments of peace. That doesnt mean I want to die. I want to live. probably more than anyone else in the universe. And I will keep doing so. Because I have miles to go before i sleep, however beautiful the deep and dark jungle seems.